What does it really mean to be in a relationship? Are we in relationships because we are happy or because we fear staying single?
At 26 most of us, especially women, are at pressure to get married. This is made worse by Social Media. No weekend passes without me seeing beautiful and well edited wedding photos. They make us jealous, don’t they? They remind us of what we are missing. We might fail to admit it, but at times we feel lonely and wonder what is wrong with us.
But behind those beautiful (fake) smiles in the wedding photos, lies a million compromises, insecurities and doubts.
I don’t want to marry because the society says I am ripe for marriage. I don’t want to marry because of wealth and social status. I don’t want to marry because my agemates are getting married. Marriage is not an achievement. It actually is a life sentence and I want to choose my cell mate carefully.
I don’t want to be with a partner whom I can’t be free with. Who laughs at my fears and thinks that my dreams are unachievable. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t believe in me. Who thinks he is better than I am. That I am where I am because of him.
I don’t want to share my cell with someone I am afraid of. That I have to hold my fart. A person I can’t tell what pleasures me in bed. That I have to moan in pretense of enjoying love making to boost his ego. That I can’t kiss before brushing my teeth in the morning. A person that I can’t tell share my opinions with. For the fear of his rage and sarcasm.
No, I don’t to be that woman who every morning bears black swollen eyes because she over-salted the exotic meat or differed with him. I don’t want to be the woman whose life is filled with tears but has to stay because of her kids. I don’t want to be the woman who can’t talk to her friends because according to the man she married, they are uncouth, cheap and not up to standard. She can’t comfortably speak to her relatives because they are considered beggars. I don’t want to be single yet married. I don’t want to be a trophy wife. Whose smile does not reach the eyes. Who sold her freedom for class and status. Whose heart is empty, bitter and full of grief.
I want a relationship that I can be me. That I can laugh out loud, enjoy little joys of life, share our little secrets, fight over stupid things and have make over sex.
Do those relationships exist?