Social Media 

What is too much to post on social media? 

There isn’t too much for social media unless it is abusive, contains nudity or promotes violence. 

Tell us about your adventures and escapades. Take pictures of you in high end hotels, clubs and restaurants. Upload them for us to see. Upload videos of you twerking and taking tequila shots. Let unlucky men drool over the videos.   Let us comment, like and envy you. Check in to the great cities of the world. Describe to us the experience. Let us learn from you the best cities to visit when we will afford. Take pictures of you, sharply dressed in the latest fashion, holding several shopping bags, encrypted  with world renowned labels. That is what our role models do these days. Let us envy you and wonder where you get so much money from. Don’t forget to upload well photoshopped studio photos. 

Post your pictures on campus. Let us know you are a scholar. Share with us how interesting or boring the lecture was. Don’t forget, on graduation date, to remind us that you are graduating. Flood your wall with graduation pictures. Tell us your joys, your fears and your hopes. Let the world know the honours accorded to you. Let us console, encourage  and congratulate you. 

When you get into a relationship, don’t forget to tell us his name. Upload pictures of you and him. Let us tell you how cute you look together. Don’t forget to tag him so that we can stalk and befriend him, to determine if he is a worthy catch. When he proposes, don’t forget to change your status to engaged. Share with us the pictures of your engagement. How he knelt, the ring (whatever the price, for true love is priceless) and your teary face as you said yes. Let us react to it and congratulate you. Don’t forget to casually invite us to your wedding. For those who will miss to attend, share with us the pictures of the wedding, the beautifully decorated garden, the happy well dressed guests and definitely the cake and appetizing buffet. Tell us of your honeymoon experience in an exotic country. Upload the pictures of the big hotel room, the beautiful sunrise and sunset at the beach and the diverse cuisine. Let us troll the pictures. Let us react and give our comments. Let the single ladies long for marriage. 

Oh! And don’t forget, when the pregnancy kicks,  to share on your time line the baby bump pictures. Don’t also forget to invite us for all white baby shower. Let us come and take tens of photos. Upload them and share your joy. Tell us of the challenges of  pregnancy, the nausea, the fatigue (as if you are the first one to experience it). Tell us your experience in the Labour ward, the pain and the screaming. Let us empathise with you. When the baby comes, share its pictures, the tiny legs and and hands. Isn’t it adorable, you caption. We will like the picture and congratulate you,w ith a feigned wow, because every child is adorable. Don’t forget to share his development milestones, the teething, weaning,first steps,  first word,  first day of school and so forth. We will readily congratulate you and offer you our free advice. 

It is also important for you to share how your marriage is growing and how blessed your family is. Tell us of your new car and new house. Tell us of your husband’s mpango wa kando and how you dealt with her. Scatter her pictures and screen shots of your conversation with her on every social media gossip page. Let us sympathise with you and offer you free advice. Let your marriage be our subject of gossip. 

Tell us of your political and religious views. Let us also comment. Give us a chance to agree or disagree. Pray that is doesn’t turn to be a war of words. 

Share with us your deepest secrets, troubles and joys. Isn’t that what friendship is for? Pray that you don’t get hurt by others opinion. For opinion are like assholes, everybody is entitled to one. 

Let the haters hate. I promise to react to comment to all your posts and pictures (unless I don’t like you). Don’t be disturb by the not so nice comments they make. If they don’t like your post, then let them unfollow, unfriend or block you. That is the reason why social media has these options. 

Let us socialise. 

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